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Posted on July 14 2012





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Related article: Doors of Life | Chapter 2Doors of Life: Chapter 2Thanks to everyone for the wonderful comments in responseto Chapter One. I appreciated them all, and hope that you will continue Lolita Top 100 toread the story of a girl who struggles to Lolita Top 100 find her niche in life. Pleasefeel free to send more comments and suggestions; I truly loved reading them.You know if you're of legal age or not to read this material. Use yourjudgement. If stories about same-sex couples offend you, then what are youdoing at this archive? For those of you who are of legal age and looking fora great story to pass the time, please read.And now, Chapter Two...To say that my life soon after became like that of a modern-dayCinderella would be too far from the truth. Indeed, hardships and I hadbecome close friends. I had no Prince Charming (or in my case, a princess),no magical pumpkin, no fairy Godmother, and thus, there was no happy ending.However, my life was far from over; so if there were a happy ending to mystory, I wondered how many layers of hell I would be forced to endure beforereaching it....I was more than anxious to leave Tifa's apartment after she had takenadvantage of me. True, our experience together had been something that wehad both obviously wanted, Lolita Top 100 but after she told me to leave (and clean upafter our sexual frenzy) before she arrived again with her girlfriend, Ifelt dirty, used. I had never been a participant in a one-night standbefore; perhaps this was how it felt after sex. But somehow, I doubted it. Icouldn't possibly imagine anyone wanting to feel so shitty about themselvesas I did at that moment.I was hurt, disappointed, but most of all, angry. Angry towards a womanwho used me; who slept with me while she was involved with another woman.And I was angry with myself, for giving away something that was so preciousto me; for being so stupid and naive. This was the real world; harsh, andready to swallow you whole if you didn't watch your back. At that moment, Idid the only thing I could think of. I took my anger out on the apartment. Ifumbled through Tifa's drawers, pulling out any article of clothing that Icould find, and tossing it on every piece of furniture available. I took herlipsticks and scrawled a non-existent phone number on the mirror. I threwoff the bed's comforter, and pulled back the sheets. To my own creativity, Ithrew my panties and bra on the thick mattress, hoping that Tifa'sgirlfriend would recognize them as lingerie belonging to another woman.Satisfied with the chaos I had created, I left the warmth of the apartmentand hit the cold streets again, in search of a door that would remain openfor me... I sat alone at one of the small tables in the corner of Cuppa Joe'scoffee shop. I didn't need to make eye contact with any of the customers toknow that they were staring at me. A woman, now twenty-one years of age,pale skin with black lipstick, shoulder-length hair that was dyed a deepshade of red, and dark sunglasses wasn't considered a normal state of dress.Those who were not put off by my physical appearance must have been put offby the argument between the manager and myself only moments ago.I will admit that showing up to work drunk was not the smartest of ideasthat had come from me in the past two years. Showing up drunk to work onalmost a regular basis was bordering on one of the stupidest ideas that hadcome from my mind. I was fired of course; although I was surprised that Joehadn't done it sooner. He said something about needing the waitresses, andhad I been able to hold back my 'discourteous' comments towards thecustomers, I would still have a job.I apologized sarcastically, and informed the manager that I would leaveonce I had gathered my things. I lied. I sat at the table and adjusted mysunglasses with one hand, while the other hand held shakily onto a cup ofmocha mudslide. What else was going to go wrong today, I wondered?"Hey, unless you plan on sitting there until tomorrow, you gotta getgoing. It's time to close up." A hand on my shoulder shook me gently,presumably to see if I was still alive. I recognized the voice even in mysemi-drunken state; it belong to Ben, some kid that had been working at theshop when I was hired. He seemed like a nice kid, but I didn't think I'dheard him say more than two words to anyone in the time I was employedthere."Hey," he shook my shoulder a bit harder. "Jacinda, right? Do you need aride somewhere?"I wasn't in the mood to be bothered by some child who was in search of afriend to converse with. "Piss off," I muttered, my eyes fixated on thedepleting mocha and rum in my cup."Suit yourself," he said, taking his hand from my shoulder. Picking up arag from the counter, Ben proceeded to wipe down the multiple tables. "Ihope you brought a jacket; it's almost ten below outside."I turned my head from my coffee mug and focused on the cafe's window.While the time was fairly late, the streets were cast with an eerie glowfrom the heavily falling snowflakes. It was at that moment that I realizedhow peaceful the outside world was. It was ironic compared to the innerworld of chaos that I felt battling within me. Perhaps this madness was dueto my inability to connect with people, keeping me from expressing whatneeded to be expressed. I reconsidered Ben's offer. "How long until you'refinished?""Bout ten minutes. Just need to clean up a bit." I watched as he wiped atthe counter and tables with a cloth and stack the last of the dirty glassesinto the sink, where one of the other employees started washing. "K, let'sgo. My car is out back."I followed Ben Lolita Top 100 through the kitchen to the small employee parking lot inthe back. He headed for a green SUV. I sighed; thinking about how well offthis kid seemed to be. "Why are you doing this?" I asked."Hmm?" Ben asked, not taking his eyes off the road. Not a veryintelligent reply from my chauffeur."Why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden?""You looked like you could use a friend," he answered without hesitation."I know what that feels like."I'm not sure why, but for some reason, what he Lolita Top 100 said made something insideme snap. "You think you know what it feels like to be me?! You don't knowanything! I'm gay! You don't know what it's Lolita Top 100 like to have people turn theirback on you-"Ben didn't let me finish. He slammed on the breaks and pulled to thecurve. I started to undo my seatbelt, thinking he was kicking me out, but hesurprised me again."You don't think I know how you feel?" He pulled up the left sleeve ofhis jacket, and thrust his wrist in my face. "I know EXACTLY how you feel. Itried to kill myself because of it." On the wrist of his left arm was a scarthat started at the palm of his hand and traveled toward his elbow. "And youthink you have it bad? People think lesbians are cute. But if you're a gayman, you're thought of as sick and perverted." There was something in hiseyes that I'd never seen before; the quiet, reserved co-worker that I barelyknew was gone. In his place was man whose eyes burned with anger,bitterness, and passion.I heard the honking behind us from an angered driver, unappreciative intheir fellow motorist slamming on the breaks. I couldn't tear my eyes awayfrom the lengthy scar on Ben's left wrist. When I first realized that Ipreferred letting women into my bed rather than men, I had felt sickened. Iwas unsure of how people would react towards my newfound sexuality. However,I finally confessed my secret to others; and no matter their reaction, Ifelt as though a great weight was lifted from my shoulders. "Oh, God,Ben..." I whispered, feeling my heart sink. Obviously, Ben had not revealedthis secret to many people, if anyone at all.In most cases, I wouldn't give a damn about anybody else. I had my ownproblems to begin to correct. I think that the only reason I actually caredabout Ben's problem was because, not too many years ago, I was experiencinghis anguish. I was unsure of who I could turn to. I finally turned towards afew people, and the majority of them, in the end, turned on me. "Why?" Iasked him quietly; still disbelieving that Ben's pain could drive him tosuch desperate lengths as to attempt to bring his own existence to an end."Haven't you told anyone?"The passion in Ben's eyes dissolved quickly, revealing the shy eyes of ateenager who was so unsure of who he was. "My best friend knows. If shehadn't found me before I cut my other wrist, I probably wouldn't be here."He pulled his sleeve back down and pulled back into traffic. "It was about ayear ago. I was so overwhelmed with the hatred people can have for someonethey don't even know, simply because of something they have no controlover.. I couldn't handle it. Of course, it was probably the stupidest thingI've ever done.""Damn good thing your friend was there." I sat in silence for a fewmoments, unsure of what to tell this teenager who was giving a drunken womana ride home. I could tell him that things would get better, that peoplewon't walk all over you just because you have a different sexualpreference... but in my case, I'd be filling the boy's head with falsehoodsthat I had not yet known to be true. "What are you gonna do though... Life'sa bitch, no matter where you go.""Yeah, well.. I pretty much over-reacted at the time. My high school ispretty liberal, I suppose. There are bunches of out-guys, and none of themhave ever been harassed. I thought about trying to make friends with them,but they all seem so typical. One of them even has a lisp, I swear. Ireally don't feel very comfortable around them. Um.. I just realized that Ihave no idea where I'm supposed to take you. Am I going the right way?"I turned my attention back to the road that lay ahead of us. A thoughtcrossed my mind; I didn't want Ben to see the side of town I lived in. Thestreets were filled with trash, the walls were stained with graffiti, butalas, it was the best that I could afford with my minimum wage job at CuppaJoe's. Now, without that source of income, my lifestyle was going to consistof an extreme amount of cutbacks (as if it didn't already). "Turn left atthe next light," I told my 'chauffeur', deciding that I was too Lolita Top 100 tired toexplain to a friend why I suddenly appeared at their doorstep drunk afterbeing fired."You know, this is the first time that I've actually heard you talk withanother person for more than ten seconds," I pointed out, perhaps almostrudely. I was not trying to pick a fight with anyone. For without much of areason, I felt bitter, angry. "You must be extremely passive. Maybe youshould get out more."Ben's lack of response only encouraged me further. "You know; life Lolita Top 100 justisn't going to step aside and stop while you enter and make yourself feelcomfortable, Ben. Life granted you that on the day you were born. Now it'sup to you to either force your way in and make yourself known, or to sitback until no one gives a shit about you."Okay, perhaps that was a little harsh. I couldn't clearly process mythoughts into the words that I wanted to express. I really did need someonewho could understand me, and Ben seemed like one of those people. Alistener. I was too tired to tell him that, however; and I shifted my weightagainst the passenger-side door and closed my eyes."I've been shy for as long as I can remember; it has nothing to do withmy sexuality. If I were passive, I would have let your little rant earliergo without a rebuttal."Walk the rest of the way to my apartment in the frigid night air or bethankful for a ride? I decided to bite back any further comments."What are you going to do about getting a job?" Ben questioned.This time, it was I who had no response. I hadn't given it much thoughtas to what I would do without a job. I didn't need anymore depressingthoughts at the moment."It's the building up on the right," I muttered, pointing out into thedarkness. Ben slowed down the SUV and guided it over to the street's curb."You know, if you ever need someone to talk to, Jacinda, -"I opened the door and stumbled out of the warmth of the car even beforeit had come to a complete halt. I wasn't sure that it was possible, but Ifelt more intoxicated now than I had when I showed up to work drunk morethan four hours ago. My fingertips ran over my bare arms, searching for athick material. "My coat," I mumbled, turning around in circles to searchfor it."Here," Ben said, and shoved a piece of paper that he had been scrawlingon into one of the coat pockets. He handed the jacket to me, and I swiftlyput it on. "Do you need me to walk you in?""No," I answered, perhaps too quickly. "No, I'll be fine...." I whisperedsomething along the lines of a thank-you for dropping me off, and watched asBen nodded and pulled a U-turn before driving Lolita Top 100 off in the direction that wehad come.He seemed nice; like one of those people who truly cared for a stranger'swell-being. I knew better though; people like that only cared because theywere too naive to see that they were being used. Hopefully, Ben will remainas caring after the world turns its back on him.I wrapped my jacket Lolita Top 100 tighter around my body and shuffled up the steps intothe rundown building that I had come to know as home. I paused at the front door to my apartment, suddenly cautious of what layinside. The door was slightly ajar, as if opened by some unknown person. Ihad closed it earlier, hadn't I? I was tempted to knock on the Landlord'sdoor and ask for him to call the police, however, he would surely smell thealcohol on my breath and assume that I was causing trouble. Yes, I shut thedoor; my judgement wasn't impaired to the point where I could possiblyforget such a thing... was it?I stepped back and flattened my body against the pasty-coloured wall inthe hallway. My hand felt for the door, and I pushed it open softly,listening for the distinct noise of a thief rummaging through my personalitems. All was quiet... perhaps too quiet... I peered around the Lolita Top 100 corner intothe darkness of my apartment and decided to take a chance by entering...My first instinct was to flood the room with light and stop theperpetrator in his tracks. My second instinct overcame the first. What if hehad a gun? I wasn't prepared to die yet, no matter how close to hell my lifeseemed. The light remained off.The kitchen. I had to get to the kitchen. Top right drawer, next tothe fridge, my mind raced. The knife... grab the knife... Thelarge blade was the only way of protecting myself that I knew of. Rising offthe spiked heels of my boots, I quietly tiptoed towards the kitchen.Suddenly, my right foot Lolita Top 100 got caught up in something, I think the blanket thatbelonged on the couch, and my balance left me. I tried to take a stepforward to catch myself, but only managed to get my left foot caught in theblanket. Down I fell, landing with a crash on top of the small coffee table.I rolled off of the wooden table, my hands grasped around my knee."Dammit!" I cried out, feeling a stab of pain in my joint. I remembered thesituation I was in, and glanced around the room. I heard no distinctmovements, and so I rushed to the kitchen in the frenzied crawl. Reachingfor the handle on the cabinet, I pulled myself to my feet. The knife!Swiftly, the drawer was pulled Lolita Top 100 open, and my hand emerged with the largeknife. The cold blue steel glistened in the dull moonlight that enteredthrough my kitchen window. I had my protection... where was the intruder??It was then that I noticed the light from under the door leading to mybedroom. The door was only closed when I was asleep, and the light was neveron when I wasn't in the apartment. Could that be where...? My hand felt forthe wall, and I slowly limped in the direction of my bedroom. I laid my earagainst the wooden door and listened carefully for any noise coming fromwithin. I heard my bed mattress squeaking softly and once in a while, aquiet rustle.My hand found the doorknob, and I paused to take a deep breath and think.I couldn't think. I swung open the door and jumped inside. "Don'tmove!!!!!!" Chapter 3 Coming Soon...I'd like to thank my good friend Dan for helping me set up the coloursand boarders that I received so many compliments about. Dan's the brilliantmind behind the character that was introduced above, Ben. He's currentlywriting a story Lolita Top 100 surrounding this character, and the story is posted on thisarchive. Please check it out. The story is titled "More ThanFriends".mailto:marina_9hotmail.com
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